I know it's been sometime since I've given everyone an update on the Petersens and my last post strayed from the whole goal of this blog; to share our joys and frustrations with our families and friends as we begin this most blessed journey of life called marriage. I'm sure most have heard or read how increasingly high divorce rates are in our society. I know every broken relationship has it's story but from what I know and continue to learn is that in most marriages the common root of all trouble is selfishness and fear. One seems to feed into the other and Derek and I have encountered both more often than anticipated since we've been married. We think so often that if it weren't for Christ in us and for our blessed friends and family around us we could see how easily and quickly a blissful marriage could turn sour. It has helped and encouraged me so many times when a confided friend tells me "You are normal." "This is normal." "Your battles and frustrations are not new and have been successfully dealt with before." I'm not sure about the rest of you but this makes all the difference to me. Somehow if I know that what I'm experiencing is "normal", whatever that is, then I can embrace the situation humble myself and press on. So that's why I blog about our life as newly weds. All couples need to know that they are normal and whatever they are facing can be fixed and hope as well as a renewed love for one another can be found. However with that goal in mind I will never share "too much" and if I'm blogging about it then you know it has been resolved and we both are able to laugh about whatever the issue was.
Speaking of laughter our Life Group, a group of friends we meet with on Sunday nights for fellowship beyond church, has just started a video series called "Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage" with Pastor Mark Gungor who has an interesting way of portraying the differences between women and men. In the first video "The Tale of Two Brains" he described the difference between the brains of the two sexes and what motivates one to the other despite the difference. The guy is hilarious which made the 70 minute video seem like 30 and I cannot wait to see what's in store for us next week. He described the male brain as a bunch of organized boxes that are put in a specific place, only one box can be opened at a time and none of them can ever touch when they are in their designated areas of the brain. Men also have one box that has nothing in it and it's their favorite box. Then he went on to describe how men are very good at thinking and doing nothing for long periods of time but also have the ability to concentrate very well on just one thing which is what women generally struggle with. He exaggerated a lot in his message which is part of what made it so funny. He described the female brain as a thick bed of wires all connected to each other and intricately intertwined so that all thoughts and tasks occur in multiples; multiple thoughts, topics and actions can be performed at one time which is something that would make a man's mind explode. There are good and bad associated with both along with their lists of strengths and weaknesses.
Derek and I don't really feel more informed having watched and heard this message. We've heard the general ideas many times from various books and in numerous premarriage counseling classes however we have never heard it presented in such a comical fashion. Listen up all married couples, no matter how new or old your marriage is the more you laugh at yourselves with your spouse the better off your marriage will be! Now I have a lot to learn about marriage and am far from an expert but this I know to be true. Just in the last month or so Derek and I have discovered that rather than get frustrated and annoyed with one another and our differences it's so much more therapeutic and effective to poke fun at eachother's personality defects as long as both know them to be true. Now when Derek doesn't do the dishes I can say something like "Plan on cleaning the kitchen sometime this marriage?" and he will laugh and say "I guess if I want to stay married I will." then like magic, he does! No more begrudging thoughts and knots in the throat caused by the thought that dirty dishes tells me he wants to be a bachelor, which means he doesn't value my efforts, which means marriage is painful for him and........ do you see how the wires in my female brain are connected? One thinks that they are a reasonable enough person to never let such thoughts infiltrate their minds but at some point or some season of life our thoughts sound psychotic if said out loud. Anyway my point is that laughing at oneanother's differences is always better than resentment.
Ever tell a story of an argument between you and your significant other to a friend and you both just end up laughing? Ever wonder why you couldn't laugh when it was happening? Derek and I still argue and still about dumb things but they are much fewer and further between. We have begun to argue and then just end up laughing even though we're trying to be serious. Sometimes I want to be mad at him but in the few amounts of wisdom I've gained since we begun our marriage I've learned how little good that will do and if everyone else can laugh about our stories and personality defaults then why can't we?
Pastor Gungor described the reason God made male and female brains so differently which is to ensure that one will constantly be serving the other in order to receive what he or she desires. I won't go into detail about this but he's saying that Men desire sex and in order to get that they have to serve their wives and women desire love and appreciation but in order to get those they have to give their husbands sex. Beyond that explanation I think God also created these differences because in working to better understand the person that is our ultimate companion and the closest to our hearts as a default we will better understand those we come in contact with every day as well as our families and children. Being in this constant relationship of servitude doesn't just make us better husbands and wives but also better people who were given the ultimate purpose of serving other for Christ's glory. This is why God ordained marriage and made it this wonderful and most awful gift, so that we would be constantly corrected and working towards becoming a stronger people for a larger purpose beyond a better marriage.
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