So How's Married Life?

If you are recently married you have heard this questions a lot.... "How's married life?" and I feel like it is one of those questions that could elicit a number of inappropriate responses; "It's been hell.", "The sex is awesome!", "Not what I thought it would be." and what I usually want to say "How much time do you have?". Naturally, being the proper people that Derek and I are we usually just nod our heads and say, "Good". When his oldest sister asked us this question, with genuine concern, in a recent email I wasn't sure how to reply. She is actually one of the few people I would feel comfortable being completely honest with and was very touched that she had thought of us but Derek and I promised eachother not to share too much of our relationship issues with family. They explained this more fully in premarriage counseling but it comes down to taking sides. I don't want my family to dislike Derek for any unfair reason and the same goes for his side. So when I received this email from his sister I asked him if I should be honest with her. His response was,
"Why not? What do you plan on saying?"
"Well, should I tell her in all honesty how things have been?"
"Has it really been that horrible?"
This was the morning after a week of very subtle but painful arguing. We didn't lived together before we were married so I'm still getting used to his habits and vice versa. It's also tough learning how to balance romance with business. Those of you who have been married awhile, especially the women, are nodding their heads in agreement. All of our annoyances with one another, which we tried so hard to keep quiet about in order to avoid an argument, all came out with overwhelming emotion as we were getting ready to go to a costume party on Friday night. Some how, being the reasonable and calm people we are (sarcasm), we heard eachother out, discussed our issues and complaints, then kissed and made up.... but not completely. I received the email from his sister the Saturday morning after all this and I'll continue on our previous conversation:
"Well, kind of..."
Derek so lovingly and humbly replied,"We may argue and not always see eachother accurately but I still love being married to you. I'd rather be married to you than not married to you despite our disagreements."
All I could say was "Me too."
Then, when the emotions weren't running so high and we were both feeling alittle more safe, we elaborated and discussed further the issues that arose the previous evening, which as I mentioned earlier had been building up for some time. After that it was like I was in a whole new marriage.

They warned us about this in premarriage counseling and most married couples we know told us "If you work hard at it, it's the best thing ever." or "It's hard work but it's worth it." I didn't understand that until I was there and living it. I felt that way about most of the things we learned in PMC (premarriage counseling). I thought "of course, I'll respect him, I'll never nag at him... that's not my personality, if I don't feel the love and romance I'll just tell him, I don't know why everyone makes this sound so hard." Hahaha, makes me laugh now but there I was less than a month into the marriage and I had done or not done all those things. Sometimes when we have a disagreement we say "Don't you remember that from PMC?" and he has even jokingly said to me "Were you even there?". But because of pmc and Christ at the center of our relationship we have been able to resolve everything that has waged war in us mostly pain free. I do agree with him... I would much rather be married to him than not and I'll go even further and affirm you all that there have been more highs than lows. Derek is an amazing husband who honors my deepest needs and entertains my crazy ideas out of sheer love and affection. He tells me I'm a great wife and most of the time I honor and respect him they way he needs. However, we've only been married a month and a half and I know we haven't seen the last of our boxing rounds but just like anything else in life it's not about avoiding mistakes and just trying to make it work. It's about honoring God, loving one another and giving grace when you have the chance. I find the more grace and love Derek and I give one another the less I care about his annoying habits therefore the less I nag and the more romance and adoration I receive.

So for those of you who have been wondering how married life has been for us.. there you have it. We have learned just as you all warned us that it's not easy, infact it's very hard work but we haven't killed eachother yet. In fact overall by God's grace and his strength in us we absolutely love doing life together :)

Jamican Smile

The alarm went off at 4am on Monday the 27th and we had a plane leaving for our honemoon destination, Monetgo Bay in Jamica, in just a few hours. Despite the fact that the past week was the most chaotic week of our lives to date, which ended with the most blessed weekend of our lives, we bounded out of bed that morning because we knew that salty water, sandy beaches, and endless drinks and sunshine awaited us. Our bags were packed and we couldn't wait to leave this chilly fall morning behind. We arrived plenty early for our flight and had very little complications in the total 7 hour travel time. When we arrived in Jamaica and got ourselves through all the legalities of traveling internationally we were greeted with cheery smiles, booze and rain... lots and lots of rain. It rained for almost 4 days straight; to quote Forest Gump "It rained sideways, big ol' fat rain, and rain that seemed to come straight up from underneath." It didn't get cold so I still got to wear my cute island dresses and we sat outside in the hot tub with fun islandlike drinks and tried to pretend it wasn't raining. The drinking helped. The resort staff was great inspite of the weather. They came up with tons of indoor activities. Derek and I did some fun couples games, bracelet making (lol) and shopping with the vendors that came ashore the resort to sell their stuff. I got 2 awesome necklaces and learned how to barter, which is not fun for me by the way. Derek was proud but I think I'll leave the bartering to him from now on. We napped a ton and ate a ton and did exactly what we came to do... nothing. When the sun did finally come out for our last 3 days we wasted no time. I laid out and read my new book "The Story of the Jamican People" and Derek played in the unusually rough Caribbean waves. I played in the water some but I really just wanted to come back from our Honeymoon with a tan which I achieved :) Derek came back the most sun burnt he'd been in years. The last 2 nights of our honeymoon I rubbed aloe all over his lobster red back and chest. He is just now getting to where it doesn't hurt anymore and I've since embraced my duties of wifehood in scratching the dead skin off my husband's back every night before bed. Romantic, huh? Anyway back to the honeymoon; on those few sunny days I convinced him to play beach volleyball, which I think is the culprit for the sunburn, and horseback riding, which I'll come back too. He convinced me to go snorkeling. Now, if you know me very well you know that I have an unnatural fear for anything that lives in large bodies of water. Yes, I know fish don't hurt when they bite but it's always unexpected and they are slimy and squirmy little creatures. I'm proud to say this fear doesn't stop me from enjoying the lake back home, it didn't stop me from being a lake beach lifeguard for years and yes, I do still swim in the ocean. However when one goes snorkeling you see these lively creatures out and about in their own habitat and even get to swim with them. The only comforting aspect is that I could actually see them so there would be no surprises. We got on the Sandal's boat and it took us out to the reef. They gave brief instructions and people fearlessly jumped in the choppy ocean waters. I was shaking and my belly was turning as I put on my snorkel gear but I tried my best to hide it. I actually jumped in before Derek with the help of the instructor but once Derek got in I did not leave his side, infact he held my hand the entire time. Sometimes I squeezed his arm as well. It was the most terrifying and amazing experience. The reef was beautiful and we saw tons and tons of colorful fish swimming only a few feet away, I made sure they stayed a few feet away too. The water was super choppy from all the storms on the previous days so it was hard steer ourselves. There were a few times we thought the waves might pick us up and drop us on the reef so we did our best to stay where the water was a little deeper. We even saw a stingray and Derek laughed at me for squealing through my snorkel which happened more than once. When it was all over I asked if anyone had ever gotten bit or stung snorkeling the guide laughed at me and said, "No, no worries princess, nothing will get you out here." I guess I didn't hide my fear very well after all. Derek said he was proud of me and I told him I promised I'd do it again on our next beach vacation.

Since it rained all week most of the Sandal's excursions were closed. We really wanted to do the "Island Vibes Cruise" where they take you out on a yacht and teach you reggae dance moves and then take you to another snorkeling destination and you dance and drink the whole way back; yeah sounds great. However the weather didn' cooperate and the day before we left was the only day we could do an excursion and the only one going out that day was the horseback riding; so we did it. We took a van to what seemed like the other side of the island but it was really just the other side of Monetgo Bay. The driver taught us all about the city and gave us some island facts on the way as well as explained the sites. I was a little shocked by the contrast in properties; there were some awesome mansions in the middle of shanties as well as neighborhoods of both. I have never been out of the country before and didn't know much about Jamaica so I took the opportunity to learn. I can't say I now know more than what is considered common knowledge to some but I know more than I did. As many of you know there is a lot of poverty in Jamaica and their average quality of life is not quite to the standard as ours here in the states which Derek and I pondered a lot on this trip. Some have the ability to improve their lives but don't seem to care to and others really excel despite the odds. We met some very well educated, diverse and generous Jamaicans on our trip, infact most we encoutered seemed to be so but we also stayed on the resort most of the time. When we left the resort the manners and quality of speech seemed to decrease along with the scenery. We came to understand this as different lifestyle choices, values, education, etc.. This nation is made of just as many different people as the U.S. and their motivations are as diverse as they are.
When we finally made it on the horses we were taken through rural Jamaica. It was beautiful and the trail was alittle bit more treacherous than a typical tourist trail here in the states. These people really trusted us with their horses. We all came out safe and sound and learned quite a bit about the plants and animals in Jamaica, such as there are very few snakes in Jamaican forests because back when they were under British rule and all the blacks on the island were slaves to sugar cane plantation owners, the Europeans brought mongooses over to take care of the snakes. So the mongoose over populated the snakes and now there are very few snakes. This put some minds to ease. After we finished the trail through the forests and a small village we took the horses in the ocean. This was a wild ride! The horses swam in water up to my chest height, while on the horse, and jumped between more shallow levels and land. It only lasted about 10 minutes but it was a good time.
We got back to the resort late in the afternoon and couldn't wait to enjoy the sunshine on the beach but most of all the fantastic grill food and drinks at the resort. We were spoiled with food and drinks the entire week. Each dinner we had a 5 course meal and each was the best we'd ever had. We enjoyed all different drinks all day and night, some of our favorites include; Humming Bird, American flag, Dirty Banana, Pina Coladas, Margaritas and our favorite a Jamaican Smile. We were spoiled but we were sure to enjoy it while it lasted and we even joked about returning home and going to our local bar and ordering a "Jamaican Smile". I'm sure we'd get some funny looks. The sunset was amazing our last night there and we tried to stay up late and go to the piano bar but like every other night that week we were in bed by 10 or close to it. So we never did the piano bar or the kareoke night or swim up bar either due to our exhaustion or the weather. We did however got lots of napping and drinking in which is exactly what we had in mind. :)