So How's Married Life?

If you are recently married you have heard this questions a lot.... "How's married life?" and I feel like it is one of those questions that could elicit a number of inappropriate responses; "It's been hell.", "The sex is awesome!", "Not what I thought it would be." and what I usually want to say "How much time do you have?". Naturally, being the proper people that Derek and I are we usually just nod our heads and say, "Good". When his oldest sister asked us this question, with genuine concern, in a recent email I wasn't sure how to reply. She is actually one of the few people I would feel comfortable being completely honest with and was very touched that she had thought of us but Derek and I promised eachother not to share too much of our relationship issues with family. They explained this more fully in premarriage counseling but it comes down to taking sides. I don't want my family to dislike Derek for any unfair reason and the same goes for his side. So when I received this email from his sister I asked him if I should be honest with her. His response was,
"Why not? What do you plan on saying?"
"Well, should I tell her in all honesty how things have been?"
"Has it really been that horrible?"
This was the morning after a week of very subtle but painful arguing. We didn't lived together before we were married so I'm still getting used to his habits and vice versa. It's also tough learning how to balance romance with business. Those of you who have been married awhile, especially the women, are nodding their heads in agreement. All of our annoyances with one another, which we tried so hard to keep quiet about in order to avoid an argument, all came out with overwhelming emotion as we were getting ready to go to a costume party on Friday night. Some how, being the reasonable and calm people we are (sarcasm), we heard eachother out, discussed our issues and complaints, then kissed and made up.... but not completely. I received the email from his sister the Saturday morning after all this and I'll continue on our previous conversation:
"Well, kind of..."
Derek so lovingly and humbly replied,"We may argue and not always see eachother accurately but I still love being married to you. I'd rather be married to you than not married to you despite our disagreements."
All I could say was "Me too."
Then, when the emotions weren't running so high and we were both feeling alittle more safe, we elaborated and discussed further the issues that arose the previous evening, which as I mentioned earlier had been building up for some time. After that it was like I was in a whole new marriage.

They warned us about this in premarriage counseling and most married couples we know told us "If you work hard at it, it's the best thing ever." or "It's hard work but it's worth it." I didn't understand that until I was there and living it. I felt that way about most of the things we learned in PMC (premarriage counseling). I thought "of course, I'll respect him, I'll never nag at him... that's not my personality, if I don't feel the love and romance I'll just tell him, I don't know why everyone makes this sound so hard." Hahaha, makes me laugh now but there I was less than a month into the marriage and I had done or not done all those things. Sometimes when we have a disagreement we say "Don't you remember that from PMC?" and he has even jokingly said to me "Were you even there?". But because of pmc and Christ at the center of our relationship we have been able to resolve everything that has waged war in us mostly pain free. I do agree with him... I would much rather be married to him than not and I'll go even further and affirm you all that there have been more highs than lows. Derek is an amazing husband who honors my deepest needs and entertains my crazy ideas out of sheer love and affection. He tells me I'm a great wife and most of the time I honor and respect him they way he needs. However, we've only been married a month and a half and I know we haven't seen the last of our boxing rounds but just like anything else in life it's not about avoiding mistakes and just trying to make it work. It's about honoring God, loving one another and giving grace when you have the chance. I find the more grace and love Derek and I give one another the less I care about his annoying habits therefore the less I nag and the more romance and adoration I receive.

So for those of you who have been wondering how married life has been for us.. there you have it. We have learned just as you all warned us that it's not easy, infact it's very hard work but we haven't killed eachother yet. In fact overall by God's grace and his strength in us we absolutely love doing life together :)