I've come to the honest realization that I don't have time/don't make time to blog. It's been over a year since my last post and a thousand apologies to you all. I had wonderful aspirations when Derek's and I's life together began that I would share with you all the joys and the pains of marriage and that in some small way it might help other married couples navigate through the small and big things they face. The reality I found was that most of our fights I was too embarrassed by to share with the internet (though our following was small) and I had no real positive conclusions to offer. Now looking back over our past 19 months of marriage the only helpful and yet slightly disappointing piece of advice I can give is that if you are both earnestly seeking Christ in every aspect then every aspect of your marriage will be richer. I say this advice could be disappointing because it's a much harder thing to achieve then it sounds and I know many out there would love to know the "secret" to an amazing marriage. Well, there just is no "secret" that I have discovered. There is only an overpowering truth that is revealed to us over and over and over again. I can tell when my husband has not been spending time with God, from the wisdom or lack of that comes out of his mouth to the love and affection he may or may not show me. When I am lacking in my relationship with Christ I slowly become overwhelmed with self righteous thoughts and my tongue becomes lose with hurtful words. Yes, like so many others I thought we would have an easy road ahead but God quickly revealed to us how severely we needed to choose him every day if we wanted this to not only work but be everything he meant for it to be; the most important relationship on earth, exemplify his love for us and be a display case for his character.
After 3 months of trying we have been blessed with another opportunity to share God's blessings with the world. I bet you can guess what it is....... yep, I'm pregnant! Today I am 15 weeks and the baby's due date is September 20th. The past 10 weeks have been the hardest weeks of my life to date. Women who are reading this who have been trying to get pregnant for a long time please understand that my heart goes out to you and I cannot imagine the pain you must be going through. I am simply offering my experience with this pregnancy and how God is changing my heart in these months. Many of you who know me well know that I have a passion for active and healthy living (that may be an understatement). I imagined that when I became pregnant I would not give in to unhealthy temptations, always make time to exercise and be an example for all pregnant women out there. To say the least I have been VERY humbled.
My best friend had her first baby in August and I have reminisced often of our conversations we had during her first trimester. I remember her saying that she was ravenously hungry all the time and nothing seemed to satisfy her. I said I would give her a list of high protein foods that should help keep her fuller longer and would also be easy on her queasy tummy. I laugh at that conversation now because in my first trimester my food aversions and nausea was so strong that no foods on that list would have appealed to me. I hated the smell of bananas, peanut butter, Derek's homemade smoothies and most vegetables. For a long time I lived off of chicken noodle soup, crackers, popcorn, life savers and Baked Lays. My exercise habits went from 5 days a week of rigorous weight and cardio training to nothing. Every time I went up a flight of stairs I had to stop and catch my breath. When I would simply go for a walk it was followed by a long nap. I laugh now as I tell you this but at the time it was horrible!
My first experience with the pregnant me was when I was 6 weeks pregnant and decided to go for a 6 mile run. This is a distance that I did weekly and was fairly easy for me to accomplish. I chose a scenic yet somewhat hilly route and I was excited to give my pregnant body a try at some distance running. I accomplished the first 3 miles with slightly less ease than usual but that could be mean it simply was an "off" day. As I was climbing up a hill at mile 4 and feeling almost completely exhausted I had the great realization that this pregnancy was going to be a journey. It would be like most journeys; hard, grueling, and maybe even moments of regret. At that point I realized none of my health and fitness expertise would help make this journey easier. In fact God told me right there, as I made my way to the top of the hill, He was the only one on whom I could rely. I could not rely on Derek to always say and do what I needed, though he makes great efforts and strides. I could not rely on my mother or my sister to always give the advice I needed to hear. Most of all I could not rely on my own judgement to do this pregnancy thing right.
Over the next few weeks I made more time for God. I spent more time praying and reading the Bible. I consulted him more and more as the nausea worsened and the food aversions intensified. He revealed so much to me and continues to do so throughout this pregnancy journey. The largest revelation I had were my idols. I was putting fitness and healthy eating above his desires for my body. I placed my workouts ahead of my alone time with God. As many of you know there are tons of diets and recommended eating lifestyles out there and I never or rarely consulted him on which was best for me. I spent the past 19 months learning how God was the god of our marriage but never made him the god of my health.
"For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes." Luke 12:23
He is the ultimate fitness and health guru. No scientist on earth knows my body or anyone else' body better than He does. Now, as our baby grows and I am blessed with the gift of experiencing the miracle of life, God is teaching me how he is the God of life and the God of growth.
"For the bread of God is the bread that comes down from heaven and gives life to the world." John 6:33
I would like to say that I will be updating you all on our pregnancy experiences and show off pictures of my big belly but I'll be more realistic and say I probably won't. I would love to be better at blogging among other things, calling my friends and family more often, replying to emails in a timely manner and sending holiday and thank you cards. I will try to post pictures on facebook and give pregnancy updates through my status. However I won't shut down the blog just yet. Once this little guy or gal (we're keeping it a surprise) is born I won't be working and just maybe....MAYBE, I'll make more time to blog.
